October 2, 2014
A message from Hong Kong…

Howdy Burnchums!

Today, I’m writing to talk to you about what’s happening in Hong Kong.  I don’t mean delicious food, shopping or the occasional giant rubber duck…oh no…I’m writing specifically about the protests that are taking place right now.  I’m sure you’ve seen them on the news…you know…the usual stock news footage of people being sprayed with pepper spray and the news reader saying something about ‘umbrellas’?  Yeah.  

Anyway, a few days ago a friend of mine was complaining that “It’s funny how absolutely no one who was freaking out on social media about the Ferguson protests have anything to say about the massive chaos going on in Hong Kong this week. You know, the protests that are 100 times larger than the ones in Ferguson? Where are all the liberals saying “Oh, it looks like a war zone there! Those people deserve a voice. Look, aggressive police!!” Ahh, silly me, I know why… It doesn’t fit the liberal agenda and the mythical narrative they want the uneducated to believe. Thus, I suppose liberal social media will remain silent about this one for now.” 

Now, there are a host of reasons why Ferguson and Hong Kong are TOTALLY and UTTERLY nothing at all alike, and there are also reasons why the media response (mainstream AND social) has been different (language, distance, understanding), but it did get me thinking about things.  Lucky for me, and potentially for you, I have two dear friends in Hong Kong who just so happen to be journalists who have joined the protest.

So it was that a few days ago, I received the following Facebook message - 

Hi Burndog!!! Do u know wt ‘s happening in hk??? We re now fighting for popvote only, we re doing this peacefully by ocuppy central, but our govt and police force couldnt hear us, wt’s more they use tear gas to attack us…plz if you hv time , plz spread our news in korea , we need help

I know some media in korea reports students in hk are violent but this is not true

We dont hv weapon we only hv umbrella to protect ourselves, this is our umbrella movement, the only way we can voice out to our govt
She’s right of course, the media portrayal that I had seen was certainly a narrative of ‘angry students’ being ‘repelled by the police’.  

So, let me share with you some images of the protests from the night before last…

- Conaught Road Central, in front of the Central Government Office.

- This sign says “We need real universal suffrage”.

- These people were cooking sausages and giving them out to their fellow protesters.

- The people, asking Hong Kong Chief Executive C.Y Leung to resign.

- The banner on the left says that “the police were originally citizens of Hong Kong” and is calling for them to join the protests and strike.
- The now infamous umbrellas that protesters are using to protect themselves from the elements and the authorities.

- As you can see, the main commercial district in Hong Kong Island is occupied by thousands of people.

This is happening right now.  The people of Hong Kong are not actually asking for a lot, they simply want the right to have a fair and honest democratic vote.  This is something that most people reading this take for granted, and it’s something that they’re being denied.  Please show your support for the people of Hong Kong, and let them know that their voices are being heard around the world.  The authorities need to understand that the whole world is watching.

Please spread the word!!

If you are in Korea, you can take a picture of you with either a yellow ribbon, black top or umbrella via facebook (https://www.facebook.com/events/550319881734183/)or email (ohtakrim@gmail.com). They are in the progress of making an album to include all photos taken in this event in order to show the people in Hong Kong that they do have support here in Korea.  For those of us on E-2 Visas public protest is forbidden, but we can still help to raise awareness online.

Please help to get the word out.


* thanks to Chris and Willa Wong for the photographs and on the ground reports!

September 24, 2014

Burndog is busy.  Has been since May.  No shit.  Switching up to high school from elementary is a HUGE difference.  Not in terms of the actual teaching, or the students.  Shockingly, my high school students are a lot like elementary school students with the enthusiasm exhausted out of them.  I just spend 99% of my time planning.  Throw in after school classes and next week’s GEPIK speech and you can see why Burndog is a busy boy.

Which is a shame…because there’s a lot going on that I’m too busy to bitch about.  Dickless Dave STILL comments on my blog (Satan bless his little goat raping heart), Shewhomustnotbenamed has a new job.  I’m onto my second co-teacher in four months…and there’s plenty to say about them!  Shinchonji had a weird ‘religions for peace’ thingy at Olympic Park and some of the videos make you just want to visit their little cult and cockpunch the lot of them.

But…I’m too busy for any of it.

Until next time…

August 29, 2014
Racism and being white…

I think that it’s impossible for any white person to understand what racism truly is. That’s why you get so many white people who live in Korea screaming racism when some dude on the subway looks at them for more than five seconds. That’s why you get white people who try to ‘whitesplain’ to people of colour what is and isn’t racist. That’s why you get white people who say “oh yeah, well police in America target white people too”. White people (and I’m including myself) say that shit because we don’t understand living with racism. At worst, we may visit racism once or twice in our lives, but we’re tourists who carry photos and postcards and try to claim residency.

I’m not saying that we don’t try, and that we don’t want to be a part of the solution, I’m just saying that true understanding comes from living, and we can’t live it. We can read about, listen about, talk about and know it…but we can’t truly understand it.

I don’t know. I used to claim that I couldn’t have any white privilege because I grew up poor…but I understand a bit better about how just growing up without being exposed to any racism or prejudice can unwittingly make your perspective on a whole range of issues different than if you have to work against it your whole life.

July 24, 2014
10 Things I’ll Never Write A List About In Korea Something Something Noob

What the fuck is with all of the lists lately?


When did the internet become a place for people to write lists about shit? Are attention spans now at the point where if there isn’t a snappy headline and a list of things then we can’t be fucked trying to read it?  I wager they are.  So…here is my list…with accompanying pictures so that you understand stuff.

10. I’ll never write a list about food in Korea.

Seriously.  I won’t write a list about the food here.  Korean food is food…in Korea.  I’m not going to get all hepped up and write a list about that.

*kimchi…I’m not writing a list about it.

9. I’ll never write a list about people who do things that shit me.

Fuck those clowns.  Why would I write a list about them and the 134 different ways that they shit me.  Whether it’s spitting, taking up my personal space on the subway or being otherwise different and near me…I’m not writing a fucking list about it.


8.  I’ll never write a list about people who do things that I don’t want to do.

Of course I’d rather watch an obese pig suck its own cock than go to the mud festival or any one of the 3,234 other fucked up events that your average expat adventurer wants to go to every single weekend…but who gives a fuck about what I think?  I’m not gonna go and write a list about it.


7. I’ll never write a list about K-Pop and the people who like it.

I know.  I’m supposed to write some sort of list about K-Pop.  I’m supposed to be all judgemental and superior about it.  This is the stage of the list where I can start to get into gear and slag shit off to the point where you ken that the top five are going to be beyond awesome.  

Something something Psy.  Blah blah Lee Hyori.  

This is also the bit where you realise that all that I know about K-Pop comes from my first year in Korea…and Psy.


6.  I’ll never write a list where you get to number 5 or six and you just get a quick one liner and a photo because people can tell that you’ve kind of used your first few decent ideas on 7, 8, 9, and 10, but you’re holding onto what’s left for 1, 2, and 3.

Ummm….photo of a cute Jindo puppy!image

5.  I’ll never write a list about Michael Aronson!

4. I’ll never write a list about plastic surgery.

I’d like to.  There’s no more obvious way for people to vent their semi-racist rage against Korea than to complain about plastic surgery.  Whether it’s the guy who has been knocked back one too many times who wants to sink the boot in, or the insecure lass who just hopes that someone will love her in spite of her looks…there’s no easier target than Koreans and plastic surgery!  It’s the ever present go to for all of your dis-enfranchised masses!  I often wish that I didn’t love Korea, just so that I could sink the boot in like every other unwashed bag of toss.


 *invariably they place this gif on their rant as ‘evidence’, when all that it really proves is that the guy who photoshopped all of those photos isn’t what I’d call ‘creative’.

3. I’ll never, ever, ever write a list and then post it to Every Expat In Korea.
Seriously.  That group is brutal.  Even if you write something that they love they’ll still call you a cunt just because you’re not wearing a tinfoil hat and slagging off Jeju.  It’s out of control.  I’d sooner tattoo a list on my arse than let those mouth breathing conspiracy nuts claim that my blog never took down 9/11 on the moon.


2. I’ll never write a list about all of the ways that I’m doing living in Korea better than everyone else.

If I wanted to slag off newbies, people who marry Koreans, Koreans, expats, monks, mud festivals, K-pop, Eat Your Kimchi, unicorns, or any one of the other things that seem to shit people every fucking day…well…I wouldn’t write a list about it.  No fucking chance.  I’d assume that the geniuses who read my blog would want something a little more substantial than a list.  

I’d probably just knit them all cock warmers.


1. I will never write a list where I re-heat one shit joke 10 times over just in the hope that my click-baity list title will get people riled and clicking.

Now that I’ve written a list, I understand why they do it.  You don’t need a whole idea…just 10 parts of an idea.  You throw them together…try to be controversial…and then bam!  Hit city!  I blame buzzfeed.

Fuck buzzfeed.

Now for my next post…10 things that make me want to shove buzzfeed up its own bottom…


July 10, 2014
So yeah….I’m here for that fucking medal we talked about.

Heya Internet and friends of the internet.

I didn’t get my medal yet.  It seems like the internet is just full of lies and bullshit and scandal and…ummm…more bullshit.

So…how’s shit with you?  That’s nice.  I’m alright.  I moved to a high school back in May, so I’ve been busier than a one armed bricklayer in Baghdad these days.  It’s a different world.  At the old elementary school, I taught 22 lessons per week…eight different lessons…five using the textbook as the base and three daycare classes where I could do whatever I like.  

At my high school I teach 17 lessons per week…but there’s no textbook…so I’m spending all of my time creating content.  I only have to plan two lessons per week…but they require a lot of time to plan…so I’m much busier than I was before.

Still…when I heard that there were medals I decided to come back on the internet and collect what I’m fucking well due.  I mean, if medals are being handed out it’s about time that one was given for slaying dragons and calling people cunt…rather than the various medals that people get for taking photos of kimchi, writing boring ‘government approved’ write ups about temple visits, sharing their ‘cultural experiences’ or any of the other boring, award winning shit that clogs up the k-blogoshpere.  Fuck that noise.  Give me a medal!  I took a sword to Eve and her fucktardary.  I sliced through the metres of Douchey Dave’s dickcheese and found his cold beating heart, I sliced snafuman, cockpunched the Korea Sentry knobs and licked Pissy Clissy No Co until he thought he was a kitten!  All of this I did to win the interwebs…and win them I did.

So…about that medal…

July 9, 2014
I’ve come to collect my medal.

Hi there.  I heard that they were giving out medals for blogging in Korea these days.  I’ve come to collect my medal.  See…I already won the internet a few years ago with my award winning series “Why you’re a cunt” and I feel that getting a medal is pretty much the least that I deserve.  Don’t get me wrong, winning the internet was a nice thing, and in some ways it could be argued that winning the internet is its own reward…but dude…a medal?  I’d punch my grandma in the mouth for a medal…and she’s dead (also, the odds of there being a medal for punching your dead grandma are pretty slim).  

So, I’m back and writing on this shitty blog today, and hoping that some cunt can give me the medal that I was promised by the interwebs.

I’ll be back tomorrow to let you know how it goes.

July 4, 2014

Don’t watch the dancers…watch the boys reaction to the dancers.

May 27, 2014
Doctor Dickless T Dickhole rides again!

Heya Burnchums! 

I haven’t been writing much lately.  Why?  Well…let me just say that moving from elementary up to high school requires a lot of time and energy.  It’s a VERY different world…for better and for worse.  Anyways, that’s not why I’m here for my ten minute rant…oh no.  I’m here to write about my old chum and cat fingerer, Fake David Thiessen.  Yes.  Fake Dave has started posting his word cum all over the face, neck and chest of my blog again.  Interestingly, he posted on my two posts about the Sewol tragedy.  Yeah.  The posts where I said that it was a fucking waste that those people died on that stupid fucking boat for no reason at all.  That’s what got his knickers in a bunch.

On my first post about the Sewol, Dave wrote -

"please, keep your uneducated thoughts to yourself. you have nothing to offer anyone so stop sticking your nose in where it doesn’t belong. you are not anyone special, you are just another loudmouth foreigner who makes it worse for those of us who are special and can offer something to Koreans.

Which I love.  Because I don’t believe that I am special.  I do believe that Dave is special.  Really special.  Like a box full of mashed spuds with half a cock stuck in them.  He’s special in a ‘I just fucked a goat’ kind of way.  As for me being uneducated, it takes a certain kind of dickhead with a degree in theology to call a man ‘uneducated’ on a post titled “my unfiltered thoughts…”  A more educated man than Dave might read such a headline as an invitation to understand that the writing that followed it was less ‘researched’ and more ‘stream of conscious’.  Unfortunately Dave’s a fucking idiot, who offers Koreans ‘something’ that I can’t…a chance to feel morally and intellectually superior.  BANG!

On the second post where I complained about waygook…Dave wrote -

"what can be worse than a person who doesn’t know what he is talking about ranting about another person who doesn’t know what he is talking about.

one wishes that you and 98% of the westerners under the age of 50 would be removed from the Korean classroom and Korea. you do not contribute anything to Korean society except your ignorance.”

Yes.  Westerners under 50 don’t contribute anything to Korean society.  You dickhole Dave.  You write something as ignorant as that, and then claim ignorance in others?  You don’t even have the intellectual stamina to engage in a worthwhile debate these days.  Get some rest and take your medication grandpa…then come back at me with something resembling a reasonable argument and I won’t entertain you anymore.  Isn’t there a village in Canada wondering where their idiot is?

May 7, 2014
Burndog is currently on vacation. Have a week burnchums!

Burndog is currently on vacation. Have a week burnchums!

April 24, 2014
waygook.org rant is totally misguided…

Good Afternoon Burnfans!

I didn’t plan on writing about the Sewol again…and I would rather not write about it, however there’s a lot of nonsense and rumour and speculation about shit, and I want to try to clear a few things up…specifically some bullshit that I read on waygook.org.  I’m not going to ramp up the Burndog hyperbole machine, and will instead just jump straight into what was said - 

I’m not looking to start an argument here, but I don’t really care if this is offensive or insensitive to Koreans, and maybe my co-teachers should read this thread to get some perspective.  

So we’re off.  The post was made by Orangeman on waygook.org.  Orangeman has almost 1,000 posts over there, so you know that he really just needs a blog and a hobby (preferably just a hobby).So…we start with the usual fucktard about to say stupid shit statement about ‘not looking to start an argument’.  If you say that…you probably ARE looking to start an argument aren’t you?  Or you think that you’re so edgy and controversial, that there’s no doubt hearts will break and minds will melt…but you don’t care…because you’re….ORANGEMAN!  One thing I do agree with Orangeman about is that his co-teachers should read what he wrote…and get some perspective.  The perspective would be that their foreign teacher is angry and pissy and isn’t really sure why.

The reason I’m so put off by all these cancellations is because it’s just more window dressing.  It’s more fake putting up appearances rather than actually working to change anything or looking within themselves to deal with this grief.  

Cancelling field trips, sports days, festivals and events is only part of the mourning period.  You’re supposed to replace those things with actual, you know, MOURNING.  But is Korea doing that?  Absolutely not.  My school cancelled our trips this week.  For what?  So they can have more classes?  How is that ‘mourning’?  How is that ‘sensitive’?  It means nothing.  It’s just an empty act to make it look like they care.  

Ummm…now I think this fella lives a long way from Ansan, because I promise you now, if anyone accused the good folk in my local area of ‘putting up appearances’ right now, they’d have to be blind, moderately deaf, and a little bit fucked in the head.  Koreans are hurt by this tragedy. It’s not fake.  It’s not ‘window dressing’.  This bloke has no fucking clue.  

Now, I want to clarify something that seems to be coming up a LOT in expat circles…why are field trips cancelled?  How long are they cancelled for?  Field trips (or excursions as we call them in my beloved homeland) have NOT been cancelled as a sign of mourning and sorrow.  That’s fucking bullshit.  Field trips have been cancelled because the government is reviewing all of the procedures and safety guidelines for field trips.  The Ministry Of Education has banned field trips in all schools, across the country, for the whole of the first semester.  They’ve said that they will work on creating guidelines for field trips so that teachers are adequately trained and prepared to deal with emergencies.  This is NOT anything to do with mourning.  

Although, anyone with any experience in dealing with kids and child psychology might suggest that these events have been cancelled in order to maintain a regular and consistent schedule, which is something that child psychologists recommend after a tragic event.   Regular life going on in a well scheduled and well rehearsed manner is extremely useful in helping kids move on from a tragic event.

"But Burndog," I hear you ask, "a lot of schools have cancelled sports days too!"

Well, my dear old Burnchum, I hear you!  When my school postponed (it will probably be cancelled) next week’s sports day, I was well miffed!  How is that helpful?  Poor kids!  What the feck?!?!?!  However, in the days since the cancellation, I’ve come to realise that the parents are the ones who are asking for sports days to be cancelled.  Sports day is supposed to be a festival, and a celebration, how can you have a festival atmosphere while they’re dragging young bodies out of the sea?  I don’t think that most schools are willing to try and drum up the enthusiasm required for a sports day right now.  In a few weeks?  Maybe.  Probably.  It depends on the school.  I know some are having sports day on the 1st of May, and people will go along and enjoy it…but it’s something that each school must decide, and really, who knows better?  The Principal and local community, or some knob from America who thinks he knows everything?

Yeah.  That’s what I said too.

So, you ask, what could they be doing in place of those trips.  
-Making cards for the survivors.
-Having an assembly about grief and how it’s ok.
-Learning about maritime safety.
-Practicing safety drills at our own school, which has never been done since I got here 3 years ago.
-Drawing pictures to cheer people up.
-Pretty much anything.  

I suggested to my CT today that we should play a game for the classes we’ll have instead of the field trip.  She told me it wasn’t appropriate.  But having regular classes is appropriate?  Why?  None of this makes sense.  

O.K  Some of these are good ideas…but…and here’s the BUT…does this guy know that these things aren’t being done in Korean classrooms?  Certainly at my school I am aware that the teachers and school counsellors are having discussions about what went on, and making cards and letters.  In their normal Korean lessons, these issues are out on front street.  During English class there has been very little discussion of events.  I think that this is reasonable.  Delicate subjects are best dealt with by Korean teachers in Korean classes.  Any discussion of the tragedy in English could confuse and upset my students, just through a misunderstanding or miscommunication.

It’s not insensitive to call out this BS.  What Korea has decided to do is ‘business as usual’ which is way more offensive to the victims of this disaster.  I don’t even blame my elementary school kids for being bummed.  Adults are forcing them to associate this tragedy with personal loss instead of teaching them that, yes terrible things happen but life goes on.  We can hold two thoughts in our heads at the same time; we can mourn the dead and slowly get back to normal as well.  Instead we have: something bad happened.  Instead of addressing it and dealing with it, we’re going to cancel everything fun for for AN ENTIRE SCHOOL YEAR and never talk about it again.  Yet again, just a quick irrational bandaid solution to a bigger problem.  

No…it’s not ‘insensitive’ to ‘call out this BS’.  Not at all.  It’s ignorant, because you’ve based your entire fucking rant on a couple of incorrect ‘facts’.  Firstly, you’re now claiming that ‘business as usual’ is offensive to victims of the disaster, yet you spent the first two paragraphs complaining that things were cancelled and that it wouldn’t be ‘business as usual’.  So which on is it?  Secondly, the cancellation of field trips is NOT about mourning, so your ENTIRE premise is wrong.  Korea will ‘mourn the dead and slowly get back to normal’, but cancelled field trips is not a sign of ‘mourning’.  Finally, the ban on field trips is currently for the first semester only, so no need to write ‘AN ENTIRE SCHOOL YEAR’ in caps, it just highlights your mistake.

So what’s an appropriate mourning time?  I have no idea.  I don’t think there’s an answer.  But there were baseball games in NY one week after 9/11.  They didn’t cancel proms or graduations after Columbine.  At my high school we had a series of tragedies that killed over 20 of our students (and seriously injured many more) over a week before Christmas.  We had a moment of silence before our usual Holiday Show, but it still went ahead.  We also had seminars on safety, grief and even how to speak to survivors and families even if we didn’t know them.  Grief councellors were on call and every morning they played songs dedicated to those that passed.  But life has to go on.  You don’t respect the dead by ending your life. You respect the dead by living your life to the fullest with them in your memory.  I didn’t know any of the victims in those tragedies at my school, but I feel like the experience helped me when I had to deal with tragedies in my own life later on.  That’s what should happen.  

Well, it’s fascinating that you wrote this on the very day that Danwon High School’s first year students returned to school.  The second and third years return to school on Monday.  Why?  Because the students need to get back to their usual routine.  Because life goes on.  There is a team of counsellors and social workers at the school, to assist the students.  Everything possible is being done to assist those kids.  Columbine and 9/11 are totally different events in a totally different country, and your decision to use them as examples shows the weakness of your argument.  Columbine was an attempted domestic terrorist attack that became a school shooting when the attacker’s bombs didn’t detonate.  9/11 was (depending on whether or not you’re a conspiracy nut) an attack on America by organised terrorists.  In both of the examples you provided, the tragedies were caused by malicious actions, not by ignorant and avoidable inaction (to a point).  After Columbine, students in many American schools were treated like criminals, and had to pass through metal detectors every morning.  Did you try catching a plane in America in the month after 9/11?  I didn’t think so.  How selective your memory that you think that America went from tragedy to prosperity time and again without any period of concern, mourning or introspection.  it’s sweet that you honestly don’t remember how much shit changed in America because of Columbine and 9/11, and using them as examples of how Korea, one week after the initial tragedy of the accident, and prior to the rescue and recovery effort actually being completed, is not as awesome at dealing as America is.  

And I’m sorry to say it, but I doubt the majority of Koreans even care all that much.  I don’t mean they don’t care at all, I just mean I doubt they care as much as all these cancellations and other window dressings make it seem.  We all know Koreans are very good at appearing to do something while not actually getting anything done.  It looks like Korea is in national mourning, but what’s actually being done?  Are people demanding more attention to safety?  Are they protesting the response?  Are they actually doing anything besides cancelling these things?  Look at your own school and see if anything’s changed.  Does it have a fire plan?  Have teachers finally started telling kids to stop running up stairs with scissors?  Have schools banned those little knives?  I think you’ll find your answer there. 

Dude clearly doesn’t know a lot of Koreans.  I’m sorry, but it’s obvious.  All of my Koreans care about this.  It might be that I live in Ansan so I know a lot of people who know people…but I don’t think so.  I’ve only lived in Ansan for one year, so most of my Koreans chums live outside of Ansan, and they’re angry, and embarrassed, and sad.  So let me answer your questions.  

1. Are people demanding more attention to safety?

Yes Captain Ignorant, people are demanding more attention to safety.  This is why field trips have been cancelled..which is what made you get your knickers in a knot in the first place.  So you want more attention to safety, but you want it to happen in about three minutes instead of three months?  Reasonable.

2. Are they protesting the response?

Can you read the newspapers?  Do you have the internet?  How the fuck you don’t know that people ARE protesting quite strongly the response to the original incident, and the subsequent actions of people linked to this tragedy is totally beyond me.  You must be a loon.

3. Look at your own school and see if anything’s changed.

Ummm…it’s been a week since the initial accident.  You’re accusing people of window dressing and then demanding that everything is changed for the better within seven days.  Sorry pal, but no…my school hasn’t changed every emergency protocol in the wake of the accident.  Right now, the only thing that has changed is that there are no field trips.

4. Does it have a fire plan?

Well…not a great one…or a new one…but I suspect that these things will change in the next few months.  Be patient lad.

5. Have teachers finally started telling kids to stop running up the stairs while carrying scissors?  

Wait?  What? How often does this happen at your school?  i mean…no offense pal, but I can’t remember ever seeing a kid here running up the stairs carrying scissors.  If they did, I doubt that a teacher would give a fuck to be honest.  Kid will learn more from falling over and getting a cut than they’ll ever learn from some pinhead yelling at them.  It’s  not a nanny state mate!

6. Have schools banned those little knives?

Ummmm…9/11 again?  I’m sorry, but I fail to see why schools need to ban boxcutters in the wake of the Sewol ferry accident.  This is the weirdest part of your entire rant.  Ummmm…no?  Schools haven’t banned boxcutters…and none of my students are going to hijack a jet with them any time soon…so we should be gravy.

I think you’ll find your answer there.

So…there you have it.  Orangeman’s little rant which was a misguided load of old cobblers.  I’m sure he’s a decent fella who means well…I’m not looking to start an argument here, but I really don’t care if this may be offensive…