As The Burndog Turns

Burnfans!  Here’s the first of the transplanted what would fucktard do blogs.  There shall be more…oh yes…there shall be more…maybe.

I never really noticed blogs when I was home. Perhaps it was because I had a job where I was constantly occupied, and my sincere devotion to my drinking habit didn’t allow for a lot of after hours ‘surfing’. I didn’t read blogs, I didn’t write blogs, I didn’t know blogs. Fuck blogs. Then, when i came to Korea, I suddenly noticed people who blogged. They wrote the same sort of shit (and here are actual cut and pastes from some of these blogs).

” The greatest thing about Korea is the unlimited amount of coffee shops. I’m a coffee nomad and I try to stay away from the chains.”

“…went bowling with Korean and western friends. It was my Korean friend’s first experience in a social setting amongst westerners. Especially, going bowling!”

“I was amazed they were speaking to each other in English rather than in their native language. I was delighted, I was able to partake in their first intercultural experience.”

Actually, they are from one blog. I don’t have time to look through one hundred blogs to give you the hot shit on what’s fucktarded about so many of these pieces of shit. The quotes above are by a blogger who describes themselves with the following line, “You can say, I sit at the border of many talents and interests.” I like that. It’s unfortunately honest. Someone who is sitting on the border of being talented or interested is, at the end of the day, just sitting around. Let’s take a look at the three quotes above.

The first one is a mixture of self promotion and masturbation. I mean, what the fuck is a ‘coffee nomad’? What a load of old wank that is! Coffee nomad my arse! Oh, and if the ‘best thing about Korea’ is the coffee shops; you’re a fucktard. It’s like saying, ‘the best thing about travel, is pretending I am at home.’ What a fucktarded thing to say.

The second and third comments just smack of a cunning blend of accidental racism and sly imperialism. Why say that you went bowling with ‘Korean and western friends’? Why not just say, ‘with friends’? Seems like someone either feels the need to show off their Korean friends like special little ribbons, or they just can’t deal with the idea of people being more than their race. I’m not giving it a third less cunty reason. That’s not what this is about! ‘Native tongue.’ ‘Native’. Yeah. They’ve never been bowling, they’ve never been in a social setting with westerners (‘especially bowling!!!), and they have a ‘native’ tongue. What a bunch of savages these Koreans are.

Bah!

Over the next month or so…hopefully before I go to Australia…you will notice some slight changes…or…you might not.  I’m going to move all of my photos (not reblogs) from here…over to Burndog’s Slightly Wanky Photos.  I’m also going to move all of the non photo posts that I liked over there…over here.  The ones that I don’t like…or are too topical to have any relevance…will be deleted.  Don’t cry.  Please?

Thanks.  It’s easier if we’re just grown-up about this.

Now….take a look at this video preview for the Bluray of this Japanese classic from 2000…Battle Royale.  I won’t say anything more about it yet…but…take a look.

Morning Burnchums!

How are you doing?  You alright?  That’s nice.  I’m still crook…I reckon I’ll be perfect by Sunday though…which is just in time for the football!  Hooray!

In other news…I can see already that my self imposed news blackout will reap many rewards in terms of productivity.  The game has downloaded and is ready to be watched…but I won’t be able to watch it until I get home…which means…no Facebook, Australian news or Twitter until around 6:30 tonight.  Terrible news in some ways…but I reckon I’ll have made four bomb games, written twenty shitty entries here, and solved the whole North South conflict by 4:30.  Very productive times.

What isn’t productive, is exactly what I can talk about here.  I mean…let’s cut straight to the chase…Burndog isn’t well…so there’s not much excitement to report.  I could describe the moderately frustrating KaKao talk exchange I had with someone yesterday…where they said that I should travel to the country by 9 am on a given day…and then I said that it would take me so long to get there that it might be better if I was scheduled for 10 am…and then we talked at length about that…and they finished with…”but I have scheduled you for 9 am.”  But I won’t.  I could talk about the English language tv channel that I am supposed to be making an appearance at on Monday (an interview about the Pod, and Korea and Korean culture) who have taken four days to translate an email into English…and still haven’t told me where to go, at what time, or pretty much anything at all.  Which is a bit of a worry…but not entirely stressful.  But…that’s not gold.  

Instead…i will talk about an issue that cropped up on Wednesday that I saved for a rainy day (and…if you look out of your window (and you’re lucky enough to be in Korea) you will see that today is particularly rainy.  So…we were sitting at lunch and NewYouYou was complaining to NewTiCOS about something a student had done during class.  I checked out and ate my lunch silently…figuring that it would come to me if it needed to, and it’s not really my place to get involved.  So…the story wound on for a minute or three…and then I hear my name a few times…and realise that the ball is headed my way.

Me-“What happened?”
NYY- “In 6-3 class a boy was very rude to me.”                                                   Me- “What did he do?”                                                                                 NYY- “Well, I gave them their tests and he said to the class, ‘she always gives tests, she is just like YouYou’.  

Now…NewYouYou hasn’t had to be around the students for very long to learn that a kid saying that she’s ‘just like YouYou’ is a major fucking insult…so…she wasn’t very impressed.

I asked her what she had done.  The answer?  Nothing.  

Now…let me clarify something before I move into the next chapter of this very much un-sordid tale…that doesn’t bother me in the slightest.  That’s her style.  We’re different teachers, and her being new in the school, she’s trying to work through the subtleties of the disciplinary systems that we have in place.  She asked me if I would talk to the boy, and set him straight.

So…after lunch (the eating of lunch…not the lunch break) I went to the 6-3 classroom…and was quickly pointed in the direction of the student who had offended NewYouYou.  I looked at him…and said, “Come to my office please.”  He started crying…and his homeroom teacher (a nice young chap who I’ve known for the past four years) came over.                                                                       “Maybe he is sorry?” HRT said.                                                                       “Maybe he is.” I agreed.                                                                               “What should he do?” HRT asked.                                                                  ”Go and apologise to NewYouYou,” I suggested.                                                   Long story short…the kid apologised and I went to the homeroon at the start of the next lesson and gave them a five minute chat about appropriate behaviour and basic expectations.  Nothing angry or harsh…just a polite reminder that this isn’t last year, and we aren’t about to get ourselves into a YouYou situation here.  NewYouYou is alright…a nice lass…and a decent teacher…she deserves better than what the student’s have given her so far.

That’s my tale.

I hope that you have a lovely day.

Facebook, Twitter, and all Australian news outlets…for some reason The Australia Network didn’t show the first game of the season…and I’m hoping to download it either very late tonight, or very early tomorrow so that I can watch it at school tomorrow afternoon while I lesson plan.

Why should you care?

Well…you shouldn’t…unless you try to contact me via Twitter, Facebook or Australian News networks until further notice.

There shall be no further notice.

Hello Burnfans!

I’ve had a lot of people (two) over the past three weeks ask me about my Kindle Touch.  Do I like it?  Was it worth the money?  Is it shit?  Is it awesome?  Well…i shall answer all of these questions…and more!!  

Let me start by saying that the I am a BOOK person.  I majored in Library and Information Studies at university, and I love the smell, feel, and general everything of books.  I got my first Kindle a couple of years ago, and I was ready to hate it.  It was  this Kindle here, the ‘Kindle Keyboard’ as it’s now called. 

I love that the picture has a hand in it…so that if you want to know what your stuff looks like if a white woman is holding it…you can see.  Very handy (see what I did there?).  Anyways…the ‘Kindle Keyboard’ was my first Kindle, and (as I may have mentioned in previous blog posts) I was pretty shocked by how quickly I moved beyond my not wanting to use an ebook.  If you’re reading a decent book (my first book was ‘iWoz’ about Apple co-founder Apple Wozniak) then you stop noticing the Kindle within five or six minutes.  It’s like “I’m reading on a machine, I’m reading on a machine, I’m reading on a machine…Wozniak did WHAT?”.

So…I was ready to love my new Kindle Touch when I ordered it a few months ago… was ready to go all fanboy crazy and change my name to Kindle Man…and then…I got the thing…and…I loved it.  It’s a lovely little piece of kit.  It’s a little smaller than the ‘Keyboard’ model, and there’s no keyboard (hence the name).  The touch screen takes a little longer to get comfortable with than the buttons next to the screen on the keyboard, but once I got used to it, it was much better to read on than the keyboard model.

I think that if I was less transient, I might still prefer books to ebooks, but the kicker for me is the fact that I can carry a couple of thousand books with me wherever I go…meaning that I can avoid having to choose between a fire sale or storage every time I move from one country to the next!  It’s also a good way to get some variety!  I’m not having a go at What The Book? or Kyobo…BUT…the selection of books is less than exciting…especially for people who don’t like second hand books.  Maybe it was working in libraries…but once I realised that punters tend to read a lot of stuff when they’re sick and sneezing…I couldn’t look at another second hand book.  They’re dead to me!

So…Korean living folk…I reckon you could do worse than getting a Kindle…the international edition WILL ship to Korea now…

and if that fails…try the unicorn meat!!

Not sure about the Unicorn Meat to be honest…or with the way that the second (much whiter than the first) hand is holding that Kindle Touch…it’s an invitation for destruction!

Howdy Burnfans, and fans of Burn.

How are you doing today?  I hope that you’re well…because your loyal leader and super chatmeister is FUCKING DYING!!!!  Yeah…you cunts heard me right.  I’m dying!

Sorry to swear, but there’s no doubt that in my reduced state, simple curse words are the most immediate source of discourse.  I like that.  Source of discourse.  Probably makes no sense…but I wouldn’t know…because…I am unwell.  You would have known this if you’d bothered to read what I wrote a minute or two ago. I don’t think that I stuttered.  Not that there’s anything wrong with people who stutter.  I used to have to visit a speech therapist…when I was in early primary school (elementary school for those of you who choose to speak English in a way that befuddles Australians).  I couldn’t tell you exactly why I had to see a speech therapist…I can’t remember.  I can remember being surprised that I needed to see one…I thought I had the whole speaking gig down to a fine art.  I know that I didn’t get the whole ‘th’ thing down until I was maybe 13 or 14…but I’m lucky to be Australian…which meant that nobody actually noticed until my Mum’s fucktarded friend Heather decided to make a big fucking song and dance of it one day.  I remember being moderately embarrassed, but also determined to correct what was, a previously un-noticed, yet obviously irritating to others, ailment.  So…I did.  I had to think about my pronunciation at first…but it became natural soon enough.  All of which is to say…that my saying ‘I don’t think I stuttered’ was not meant as a slur on the stutterers of the world…who I have a certain level of empathy for.

Not sure where I was.

Oh yeah.

I’m a bit crook.  Nothing too serious…I’m still at school…still teaching…still doing the shit that I do.  I’ve had an interesting morning arguing with Liberal voters (for you Americans I mean Conservatives…don’t ask why…but the Conservative Party in Australia is known as the Liberal Party) on Reddit Australia after my Gillard blog post was linked too over there.  They were up in arms because I didn’t abuse the current (Labor) PM.  Now…I agree that Gillard did a terrible job with the questions…but for my money…the journalist was being lazy when he used the term ‘Ordinary Koreans’…and as my blog is more about Korea than Australia at the moment…that’s what I focused on.  I am sure that when I move home…I will care more about the Australian angle…but right now…I only care about domestic issues here in Korea.  I should say that both questions were good questions…but they aren’t related to what I blog about (one being about racism in Australia, and the other being about North Korea (a subject that I occasionally discuss…but seeing as how the PM added nothing to the debate…there’s nothing blog worthy for me)) so I didn’t get into it.  Long story short…someone linked the blog there and said that it was ‘The Korean Perspective’.  Now…I’m not Korean…so quite how my blog could give the Korean perspective…I don’t know.  Secondly, as the Libs were all getting bitter and angry about Gillard’s inability to answer questions…my blog about something else entirely…didn’t add to the conversation they were having…so they just went mental.  Long story short…I explained the context…and we all calmed down.

Happy fucking days!

I actually enjoyed having a reasonable conversation with people who were able to construct full and meaningful sentences.  It made a pleasant change from my blog arguments on here.  I mean…Eve was just a vitriolic arsehole who got far too angry to ever meaningfully discuss anything.  She would just make shit up and try and hide everything in rhetoric.  Having said that…there was a time when I enjoyed her blog, and when she writes without trying to self promote, argue, belittle, bully, cajole, or intimidate…she’s fine.  My recent ‘discussions’ with David were nothing like arguing.  They would follow that age old dialogue model of -

Man A - writes something.

Man B - objects to writing and makes generic and horribly inaccurate statements of non fact, whilst insulting Man A and demanding that people ignore everything Man A has ever said.

Man A - responds, and disputes the ‘points’ of Man B’s argument.

Man B - makes generic statements about people of Man A’s profession and racial background whilst claiming that Man A hates everyone and everything within the country that he resides.

Man A - responds and suggests that Man B is a fucktard, who has no idea what he is talking about.

Man B - calls Man A a bully.

Yeah…we’ve seen it a million times before…it’s so predictable!

Yes indeed…it sure was nice to be allowed the room to start off poorly, correct my initial statement…and then explain where I was coming from.  It’s nice to finish an argument feeling like you understand the other person’s point of view a little…and they understand yours.

Never happens with Derrick.

Interesting…three more videos of a woman smoking/getting into arguments on the subway…am I losing my fucking mind…or is it really the same woman as in the earlier video?

Indeed it is.  

Clearly someone in need of assistance.

I must say that the violence in the third video (in particular)is disgusting…and I hope that the man is brought to justice.   The thing that saddens me about this entire series is just how quickly it seems that the men in these videos are willing to resort to violence against a woman.  

Hello there!

It’s your fearless leader and Dragon Slaying King Of All That Is Fucking Amazing…BURNDOG!!!!!

Did you miss me?  i bet you did!

How are you doing?  You alright?

Me?  I’m sick!  Yeah…that’s right…sick.  So…go and get your tissues and get ready to inherit a metric fucktonne of awesome shit…Burndog’s dying.  Well…he has a cold.  Still…as a whiny little sooky pants…there’s fuck all that I can do aside from moan and whine about it.

So…how was your Tuesday night?

That’s nice.

Mine was great!  I had been invited to the Changdeokgung Palace Moon Tour, which was being held as part of the Nuclear Summit…and it was a fucking blast!  There were supposed to be 20 foreign journalists in total…but only 2 of us turned up.  This was good…as it meant that me and the other chap (Jon…who I knew…as luck would have it) were able to ask all of the stupid questions that we liked.  The palace itself is quite lovely…very different from Gyeongbokgung, but equally special and interesting.  I went to Gyeongbokgung last year when it was open in the evening…and the palaces of Seoul look amazing at night time.  If you ever see that one of them is open for the evening…be sure to get your bottom (and the rest of you) over there straight away.  Following our walk and guided tour…we were taken to a lovely little stage area (still outside) where we were treated to some amazing traditional Korean music.  

Fucking great night…photos will be posted on Burndog’s Slightly Wanky Photos over the next few weeks or so.  

The aside is that Seoul was in total fucking lock down and there were police EVERYWHERE.  They were quite friendly, nodding and saying hello (people being polite to a white man in a suit…why I never!) as I walked past…but I was still struck by the sheer number of them.  Traffic was a nightmare…and my 45 minute bus journey took over 2 hours…so…it was a good thing I had that piss!

A new feature of my blog will be a David Section.  Within the David Section…I will discuss any trolling issues that I might have….so here is…The David Section.

The David Section.

Hello there.  Your hero…and Dragon Slayer…ME…has killed David again…see the comments section of yesterday’s blog to read more of the snake Derrick’s lies, mis-representation, and pig fisting.  Yeah…he fists pigs.  I’m as shocked as you are.

Burnfans.
I have a little treat or two for you on Monday…so…be…excited.

Hello Burnfans!

Just a quick note to complain about a newspaper piece that appeared in my hometown newspaper today.  Now…as you’re possibly aware…the Nuclear Summit thingamy is on in Seoul at the moment…so…the Australian Prime Minister is in town.  This gives Australian newspapers a great opportunity to send their ‘Asian correspondents’ into Seoul from China and Japan(invariably this is what Australian newspaper’s view as ‘Asia’).  In this article, John Garnaut, The Age’s China correspondent, criticises the Australian Prime Minister for not adequately answering the questions of ‘ordinary Koreans’.  

Oridinary Koreans such as Yoon Hye-In, a law student at the prestigious Yonsei University. Ordinary Koreans such as Ken Yun, the son-in-law of POSCO founder Park Tae-Joon…and head of the Korean arm of accounting firm KPMG.  Yeah…these are the two ‘ordinary Koreans’ that the Australian Prime Minister failed to strike a chord with. I guess that if one thinks that law students at top universities, and heads of global accounting firms with extraordinarily powerful family connections are ‘ordinary’, then the article is spot on.

I find the entire article a load of wank to a certain extent.  Yes, Gillard could have answered the questions directly and not used such bullshit spin.  No, failing to answer questions posed by the elite of Korean society does not mean that someone has offended ‘ordinary Koreans’.  The questions were both good questions that I would like to have answers about…but at the same time…what’s with the beat up?  It’s a dual edged sword.  On one side, the journalist gets to lay the boot into an unpopular Prime Minister at a time when most people seem to enjoy that sort of thing…and on the other, there’s that stupid cultural cringe in there…when we expect that ‘ordinary Koreans’ give a fuck about Australia.  

Most Koreans probably don’t give a fuck about Australia…and I don’t fault them for that.  When I mentioned the Australian Prime Minister the other day, my students laughed because they thought her name was Julia Killer.  Why do ordinary Australians need to know anything about Korea?  Why do ordinary Koreans need to know anything about Australia?  The fact is…they probably don’t.  There’s nothing wrong with that..but it does shit me to tears that these articles always pop up when the PM is in town…and there’s always this inference that she has offended great swaths of the populace here with her answers…or questions…or hair.

I’m tired…so these things shit me.

Hello Burnfans!

Well…today I was going to make your minds explode with joy as I bombarded you with the awesomeness of PSAs and other madness…however…I don’t have the time.

Sorry.

I am aware that many of you social retards will be shattered now…and I can dig that.  I mean…here you are…living in your mum’s basement…and your only source of fun is this shitty blog…and now…I’m much too fucking busy to show you love.

I’m a cunt.

I’ve got a repairman coming over to my apartment at 3:30 to fix some shit…and then I am attending one of the functions related to the Nuclear Summit in Seoul.  I know…I know…I’m one lucky S.O.B…but hold your sympathy…because…I’m getting a cold!!!  NewYouYou has given it to me.  

I will curse her name every time I sneeze.

In other news…David’s willpower held out for one full before he commented again.  No wonder he was a drug addict…no willpower.

Smack head.

Hello Burnfans!

There’s been some chit chat about Public Service Announcements today…and I just want to start by sharing this awesome Korean anti marijuana PSA from the ‘70’s.  Brilliant.  I wish they had these on the subway.  

More tomorrow.

Hello Burnfans!

I bet you poor slackers are close to death, tears, and all manner of post self-coital injuries.  Poor sods.  I don’t post on Friday…and then leave you to your own devices for a fair portion of today…and you’re left fapping about and smashing cars, like you made Kony2012 (allegedly).  Now…I’m sure that you’ve a million questions about what I’ve been up to…so let me try and explain myself without actually explaining myself.

1)On Friday I went somewhere and did some stuff with some people. It was lovely.  I ended up being on the Arirang News on Friday night…which was a bit of a shock.  I’ll explain more at another date…but no…I was not on the news for anything criminal…quite the opposite.  Actually, now that I think of it, the opposite of being on tv for committing a crime would be to be on tv for solving a crime…and I didn’t solve any crimes either.  In fact…the reason that I was on there…was not related in any way to crimes…solving or committing.  So…let’s just move on hey?

2)Friday night I had dinner with a mate.  Lots of chit chat.  Nice times.

3)Saturday was nice.  A bit of snow (probably the last time I’ll see proper snow for a year and nine months) and a lot of time with The Bird.  We drank this bottle of Bundaberg Over Proof Rum.  It knocked me out.

4)Sunday was just a shit lazy day…relaxed at home…watched movies…played games…ate curry.  Tops.

Today has been alright.  Showing the kids the Arirang clip…and generally enjoying the day.  It’s been a satisfying day.  I killed the dragon last week…so this week is the week post dragon kill, where the hero (in this case (and many others)me) gets to enjoy the peace and tranquility of the forest now that the dragon has been cut to ribbons.  It was always the way things would end.

Now what?  What does the dragon slaying, and most popular blogger in all of Korea do when the dragons have all gone from this world?  We can never know that children.  For so long as there are interwebs, there shall be dragons ready for the kill.

For example…I’m sick to death of fucktards slagging off foreigners.  Every second post these days seems to be about ‘weird foreigners’…or ‘poorly dressed foreigners’ …or ‘lame foreigners’.  As a weird, poorly dressed and mostly lame foreigner…let me be the first to tell you to go fuck yourself. I don’t dress, act or exist for your amusement, entertainment or approval.  If that’s difficult for you to understand, please try a little harder.  I’m also tired of the whole ‘Korea as fetish’, ‘Koreans as idiots’ vibe that is prevalent these days.  Yes…Korea is fascinating.  No…Korea is not so fascinating that I care about how much shoes are.  Yes…Korean PSA’s are funny to us.  No…we aren’t better than Koreans because their PSA’s are funny to us.  Later today (or maybe tomorrow) I hope to have some time to analyse some PSA’s from other countries…so that you can see that everyone needs to be told shit that seems strange out of context.  Deal with shit people.  Deal. With. Shit.

Dragons beware.

Out.